Having standards that are too high or too low

“I can’t date you if you are below 6ft…..

I need a man who is a doctor or a med student….

I need him to have no acne, a perfect smile, 8 packs and facial hair…..

I need a man who is athletic and that can play the piano….

I need him to be God-fearing, a leader, a giver and a romantic….

Actually, I can’t date you if you aren’t Prince Charming.”

hahaha, welcome friends to the first blog post of my new series, “Let’s Talk”! Today we are having a discussion about men and women that have high standards. Is there such a thing as having standards that are too high? I am going to address the pros and cons of having standards that are too high or too low.

Photos by @bus_twenty

First and foremost, I want to make my position clear on standards. I believe that everyone should know what they are looking for in a partner because if you don’t know what you are searching for then you will settle for less or you will waste your time in relationships that don’t have a future. However, this DOES NOT mean that you have to have a crazy long checklist of what you are searching for and if you meet someone great who has 8 out of the 10 qualifications on your checklist, then you toss him/her in the trash bin just because they don’t have all 10.

Is there such a thing as being too picky?

yes and no. If you think someone has high standards maybe that’s because you feel intimidated or that the person is out of your league. Having high standards is easy and acceptable to someone who fits in the category of those standards but appears outrageous or arrogant to someone who doesn’t meet those standards. Your position determines what you believe is having high standards or not.

I believe that no one is perfect, therefore how can you ask for a perfect partner. It’s impossible because we are human. One must be realistic when they are putting together their “checklist” and be willing to compromise in some areas because life often doesn’t go as planned. Don’t be afraid to compromise on the little things because people evolve and mature. Everyone is born with their own preferences and they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, therefore I understand why some people might be very picky. That is cool too but don’t let a checklist hinder you from finding true love. A love that is unconditional and that will stand through the ups and downs. Beauty fades and with time we will all be old and wrinkly. Yes, you have to be physically attracted to your partner, however at the end of day looks aren’t everything. Good looks make a beautiful couple, not a beautiful relationship. It’s your character, time and love that makes a beautiful relationship. There are bigger problems and priorities than finding a hot or rich partner. Yes, we need money to survive and to treat ourselves with the nice things that money can buy, however, I strongly believe that money can’t buy genuine love. That authentic love that will love you even when your money is gone. The goal is to find true love and when you find someone who can love you unconditionally for who you are and that brings you happiness, then you will most likely forget about finding someone perfect.

To continue, it’s crucial to note that there are some things that are not negotiable for some people like faith or certain beliefs/practices and that’s okay because those are things that can bring conflict and dysfunction when two people aren’t on the same page. We need to respect others backgrounds and upbringings.

Before moving forward, I would like to speak to those that have high standards but aren’t even personally offering the same standards back to someone else. We hear all the time people say,

“I want someone who has a car, a degree or ambition”

but the person themselves doesn’t even have any of those requirements. Work on yourself first, be the person someone can be proud to call my wifey or hubby. Do not try to piggyback off someone else’s success by having high standards.

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dress polka dot dress, 50s fashion, diner photoshoot,What about having no standards?

On the opposite side of having high standards, there are some people who have low standards as a result of many different reasons, such as self-esteem or disappointing life experiences. I believe that having low standards or no standards at all is like slapping yourself in the face because it is a set up to feel pain and heartbreak. You deserve to be with someone who is great. When you don’t have any standards it’s like driving a car without knowing your destination, you will get lost and maybe never arrive at a place where your heart is at peace. Having standards is not only a good road map but also a great barrier from people who won’t treat you the best. There are some people who just are not fit to be in relationships because they can’t get along with others or simply who are not ready to love, thus having standards disqualifies certain people and makes it easier to find someone worthy to love.

The conclusion

The conclusion is there needs to be a balance, having standards that are too high or too low is dangerous. Love is a choice, therefore by the grace of God pick the right person according to your standards. If love was a feeling then people wouldn’t grow old together because in love there are positive and negative feelings. Negative feelings that make you want to give up on the other person, but because love is a choice, you choose to continue to love them through the darkest days like on the brightest days. I have this theory that as humans we have the capability to love someone outside our standards because love is NOT complicated but humans that make it complicated. You know how they say opposites attract, well it’s the same idea. Hear me out, the heart can fall in love with anyone who demonstrates love regardless of the lack of certain qualities. Love is a powerful thing that sometimes can’t be explained or controlled by a checklist of requirements. The key is to be LOVE, in order to receive love. Alright friends, I think I have said enough for today concerning this topic. That’s the end of my first segment of my Let’s Talk series. Hope that you enjoyed this blog post and that the truth didn’t hurt you too much but instead made you reflect on what truly matters. I don’t know about you but I know that I recognized myself during certain parts of this blog post. Don’t forget to get in on the conversion in the comment section! And remember to not settle for less because you are fearfully and fashionably made!


stay blessed

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  1. John Doe
    November 28, 2018 / 9:09 pm

    Very interesting. Could not help but agree with the majority of your points. Compromise is very key before, as well as during relationships. Loved your insight and cannot wait to hear your thoughts in the form of another advice piece. Would definitely recommend you do a video series on advice topics such as this 👌🏾

    • fearfullyandfashionablymade@outlook.com
      February 15, 2019 / 8:19 pm

      Thank you for commenting! In the further I will possibly do a video series.

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